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EVERY GUY MUST KNOW |
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Which paint to use
Oil-based on raw wood exteriors; latex everywhere else. Flat on walls, semigloss on moldings, semigloss or high-gloss on kitchen and bathroom walls. For oil-based paints, use bristle brushes and clean up with paint thinner; for latex, use nylon brushes and clean up with warm, slightly soapy water. |
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The best and worst bets in Vegas
In the long run, the best game to play is blackjack - play smart and the house edge is only half a percent, i.e., the casino averages just 50 cent profit on each $100 bet. Throw in card counting and you can sometime gain a tiny advantage over the house, at least until they smash your thumbs with a ball-peen hammer. Worst bet: slot machines. |
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How to make rubber cement Dissolve bits of rubber (old sneakers, police-car tires) in gasoline, using just enough liquid to do the job. Warning: Rubber cement doesn't work on condoms; cheapskate. |
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Who painted the poker-playing dogs?
Cassius Marcellus Coolidge (1844-1937). The name of the painting is No Monkeying and you can get a reproduction for $15 by calling the Print Gallery at (800) 848-4278. |
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The best time of day to buy shoes
Late afternoon, when your feet have swollen to their largest size. |
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Why girth beats length Most of the vagina's nerve endings are in its outermost third . As long as you're not lost in your own pubic hair, you're probably long enough. |
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How to keep chisels and other bladed tools rust-free Store them in wooden boxes. The wood absorbs moisture in the air, preventing rust. |
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| TEST YOUR OWN BLOOD ALCOHOL | The legal limit is .08 percent in 16 states, .10 in 34 states. But what does this mean for you in the bar? For a 160-pound guy (chicks and little guys get drunk on less), here's the guide for drinks consumed in one hour (nursing a drink longer lessens the damage): |
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A warm sensation addles your brain; you become expert at pinball and expressing affection for you friends, a bit worse at tongue twisters and gear-shifting. |
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Standing, speaking start becoming difficult; you've stopped noticing who, if anyone, is paying for you drinks; any words are now fightin' words. |
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Even a scabby, snaggle-toothed, leprous, two-headed grandmother with British teeth and a peg leg suddenly looks like Jewel in a Grammy dress. |
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You piss pants, pass out. |
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Rigor mortis - if you're not dead, you'll certainly wish you were tomorrow morning. |
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* Blood-Alcohol Concentration, as if you didn't know |
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How to win more coin tosses Always call tails. On coins, the heads side, with its big solid portrait, weighs infinitesimally more: In the course of 10,000 tosses , the lighter tails side will come up an extra 50 times or so. |
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The logic behind Mount Rushmore Washington- the nation's founding Jafferson- the nation's political philosophy Lincoln- the nation's preservation Roosevelt- the nation's expansion and conservation |
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The little "threads" floating in your eyes when you look at the sky are called floaters
They're the remains of the hyaloid artery, which carried blood to your eye when you were still in your mommy's tummy and which disintegrated shortly after your birth. Floaters can be removed by thrusting a sharp stick straight into the center of the eyeball. (Warning: Pain and extreme blindness will result.) |
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BRA WITH ONE HAND |
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With the palm of you dominant hand facing her, slide your middle finger under the bra strap, right between the clasp and her unbelievable body. |
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Pull the clasp out away from her with your middle finger, and pinch the strap between your thumb and ring finger. Pull your middle finger out, and begin to hum "Moon River." |
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Slowly snap your fingers to accomplish mission. If she has a double-clasp bra, you may have to snap twice; don't get flustered. Practice on grandma if necessary. |
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How to let red wine "breathe"
Decant it into glasses; leaving it in the bottle doesn't do jack. Let old reds breathe for one hour; younger reds need two to three hours. |
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How to keep her pregnancy-free
A woman's most fertile in the middle of her menstrual cycle, meaning she's least likely to get pregnant if you bang her just before of just after her period. Particularly if there's a condom or two on you johnson. |
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How to catch bigger fish
Cast you line close to the back. The current in the middle of a stream is four times faster than that near the back, and the faster the water, the smaller the fish. |
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Never rub snow on frostbite, put butter on a burn, or try to "cut out" or suck the poison
from a snakebite
All are of the sounds-so-stupid-it-must-be-true school of misguided folk wisdom. Instead: Put frozen extremities in cold water to which you gradually add hot water; clean and carefully bandage burns; and leave snakebites alone, just send for help and stay as still as possible. And try to get some sleep - sounds like you had a rough day. |
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What that weird metallic taste in your mouth when you chew on aluminum foil is
Electric current. The aluminum reacts with the water and fillings in your mouth to form a tiny battery. |
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Why left-handed pitchers are called southpaws
Because their left arm point south during games. How so? Baseball diamonds are oriented such that batters face east so they don't look into the sun during afternoon games. Go ahead, draw it on a napkin. 
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How to preserve meat in the wild
Slice your kill into long, thin strips; knead tons of salt into it; then cover the meat (to keep the flies off) and let it sit for four hours. Spread it out under a hot sun for a few days to dry it, or smoke it over burning green twigs for 24 hours. When dry and shriveled, the meat will last a year and can be eaten right from the jerky bag. |